Many managers I train in coaching skills find the idea of finding someone to practise on a little daunting. Understandably it could feel a bit odd if you were talking to someone and they suddenly ask the question "Could I coach you on this?"
Firstly, I think it helps if you start with the idea that you can coach very effectively without "doing" a coaching session per se - just by having a coaching conversation you can help someone to do even better thinking, which is what coaching aims to achieve. So what's meant by a coaching conversation?
Coaching is just a conversation or a series of conversations that one has with another. It's about style and not about context or length; and coaching conversations can take place anywhere, not just in formal coaching sessions.
Let's say you meet someone at the water cooler and they tell you about a situation they’re facing, when you ask a thought-provoking question such as “What do you think the real issue is here?” or “What options do you have?” you are coaching. When you’re telling them what you think or what you’d do in their shoes, you’re not coaching.
Alternatively, think about a time when someone asked you “How do I do this?” or “This has happened; what shall we do?” Did you find yourself immediately giving your thoughts and ideas in order to be helpful? Or worse, did you find yourself the one left with the problem that they should have managed? Either way, you probably missed an opportunity to coach.
Alternatively, think about a time when someone asked you “How do I do this?” or “This has happened; what shall we do?” Did you find yourself immediately giving your thoughts and ideas in order to be helpful? Or worse, did you find yourself the one left with the problem that they should have managed? Either way, you probably missed an opportunity to coach.
So - some clues as to whether a conversation is a coaching conversation are:
- Is the focus of the conversation mostly and intentionally on one individual or team?
- Is the intention of the coach genuinely positive towards the other person or people?
- Are they being encouraged and enabled to think for themselves?
- Are the skills of listening, questioning, and reflection being used?
- Is their awareness and sense of responsibility being raised?
- Does the individual think about the conversation afterwards and benefit from that reflection?
- Is there a commitment from the person to doing something more effectively or behaving in a beneficial way after the conversation?
When these are happening, it’s likely that coaching is happening. So if you hold these in mind and use the ideas when you're out and about having conversations, you'll be getting lots of practice in using coaching skills.
Secondly. you need to look for opportunities to coach - it benefits people and it benefits you. And you might be surprised at how willing people are to "be coached". Of course it could be a bit impertinent to think you can coach just any old person without asking their permission - in fact it could be quite intrusive unless it's been agreed or is a normal part of the culture. But in most cases, where someone asks you for your opinion or where you manage them directly, it would be perfectly OK to pose a coaching question instead of giving them the answer.
So - imagine you're having a 1:1 weekly catch up with one of your team. They tell you about a project they're working on and how it's going - OK but there are a few delays and problems. If you were to say "Sounds like on the whole it's going well and you've made great progress; what do you think is really holding things up now?" Or "What else might you be able to do to get it moving again?" You'd be coaching them. They've already started to benefit from the conversation because they are thinking and generating ideas. Then when they tell you a bit more about it, you might find an opportunity to say, "You've talked about how challenging some of the stakeholders are to manage. If you'd like to generate some new ideas and strategies for yourself, I'd be happy to get together for half an hour or so next week to do a bit of coaching on it".
The more you get used to asking the more comfortable you and they will feel. And before long, you'll find people come to ask you if they could have some coaching. And then in time it won't feel as if you are coaching, it will just be a part of your style.
Your role as a manager is to help people think well for themselves. So I'd ask you - what could you do differently tomorrow to help people you manage to do their own, clearest and most inspired thinking?
